There has been a bunch of talk about the Obama girl and how she "has a crush on Obama." That's all well and good but I think it's time to give Michelle Obama her bangable props. After all, she's a sexy feline who is fiercely intelligent, independent, strong, focused, graceful and articulate. She is (wet) dreamy.

Her most common comparison is to Jaqueline Kennedy (Jackie O-Baby). I like this comparison because they were both physically attractive and handle themselves in a similiar, graceful way. But one big difference is, I'd like to think, if Michelle Obama suspected Barack of cheating on her (as John F. Kennedy was doing) she'd cut his balls off. This is a big reason why no matter the level of Barack's popularity I don't see him having extra-marrital affairs.

Comparing Michelle Obama to other more recent first ladies she wins, hands down. But in her defense, the competition is weak. Keep in mind, I'm only judging this by who I'd like to have sex with at the time of the first ladieness, which is a sliding scale that intertwines appearance, personality and my own offensive ways.

Laura Bush, George W. Bush's wife and current first lady, has a cute face and she seems like she'd be charming; until you hear her speak. What a fucking idiot she is, much like her husband, but far less opinionated. She repeats words like a mad woman, sometimes 4 or 5 times in drawn out sentences. She has this "deer in headlights" look about her typically found in cheerleaders and deer that are staring at your vehicles headlights and is about to get drilled. She is a perfect fit for Bush but on my bangable scale she is low. I give her a score of "yeah I'd do her but then I'd jizz in her face and push her off of the bed." Her daughters, Jenna and Barbara--I'd do them both and barbara is actually pretty hot.

Hillary Clinton is a dick limper. What this means is if I have a boner and see her on tv, my dick goes limp. She has her more admirable qualities, such as she'll let you cheat on her for 20 years and she's smart and stuff but that's not enough to make me want to bang her. Overall, I'd give her a "yeah I'll do you if your daughter is involved and I can then move on the Bill's leftover mistresses." Sure Chelsea is not hot either, but I think it would make Bill proud.

Barbara Bush, the wife of Bush Sr., is not even up for consideration. There are not enough jager bombs or mind altering drugs to change my mind or even want to catch a glimpse of her nude body. Well, maybe tequilla would do the trick but I digress. Overall I give her a "I'll say yes simply because you are a first lady, but the lights will be off and don't be offended when I cry--then vomit."

Nancy Reagan was pretty hot when she was younger. I saw daughter nude in Playboy, so that's cool. But the fact she was so damn old when Ronald Reagan was President I'm going to have to give her a "Just say no."

So there you have it. I think based on this intense research Michelle Obama would easily be the hottest first lady in my lifetime (born in 1981). I think it should also be obvious that I'm single (hola, ladies). So all in all, vote for Obama so we can check Michelle out. And yes I'm aware that John McCain's wife, Cindy, is attractive too but I'd still easily do Michelle first if nothing else than the fact that Cindy seems so f-ing lame.

Oh Jackie girl, we love. I rate you "worthy of shower babies and computer screen squirts."

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Comments (3)

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Absolutely Disgusting
written by belladimirra, April 27, 2008

It is one thing to compare women on a 'bangable' scale if those women are porn stars, but it is a gross injustice to compare women who have made a respectable life for themselves as public media. By judging these women on the same criteria you have totally undermined women's ability to more than sexual objects which is obviously the role of every woman to you. Just think if men were judged by their 'bangable' scale, you would be a dick limper too...

...
written by Lloyds Apple, April 27, 2008

Perhaps you've never hung out with guys and heard our private conversations. If you have, than you'd know we use words like talent, hotness and bangable to describe women upon first blush. My comments were probably rude and obnoxious but c'mon, I was just trying to be a little funny. Plus, Hillary is a complete turnoff between sniper fire in Bosnia to her plastic wrapped relationship to her husband--to her ever-changing political stances that turn whatever way the election process will turn (hello, Iraq war).

I guess if there was a point of this beyond typical guy humor, it was that Michelle Obama is the hot one of the Obama marriage and deserves props for being a bad ass chick---and soon to be bad ass first lady.

I second that tap
written by Levi Blackman, November 01, 2008

I would so pay money to get a few rounds of Obama in my life. Then again, I would probably go for Barrack also so maybe a kinky threesome. Maybe this is the solution to our growing economic crisis. Pay off our debt with some hot ass. About time the US got a good looking president in the white house again.

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